Ellen
Brody finds herself reliving the horrors of the past when a mammoth
shark kills her son. Grief-stricken, she travels to the Bahamas to be with
her other son, a marine biologist, and his family. There she meets and
falls for a carefree airplane pilot. But just as she is putting her life
back together, the nightmare of the past returns when her granddaughter
is attacked by an all-too-familiar Great White. Determined to end the terror
once and for all, Ellen sets out for a showdown to the death.
"I've
always wanted to make love to an angry welder. I've
dreamed of nothing else since I was a small boy."
- Michael Brody |
What the fuck is this? I mean really, who the fuck woke up one day and
thought, "I think I'm going to write a sequel to Jaws 2 and see
how shitty I can make it!" I'll tell you who, Michael De Guzman. What the
fuck was he thinking and what the fuck was Universal Pictures thinking?
Letting a man who has written nothing but extremely terrible TV flops for
no more than 9 years, take a stab at a sequel to one of the best films
ever created, Jaws. It's films like these that make me feel The
Flesh Farm Army should combine forces to write (and film) a quality horror
film. Think of it, thousands of horror fanatics putting their heads together
to write a script and chipping in to fund the project. We would dominate.
But then again, some schmuck (or many) would come along suing us for not
paying them for their one suggestion which was never even used in the film.
We would be sunk... and the thousands of contributors would be summoned
to track those fucks down to be gang raped by ugly fat men and incinerated
alive.
What I'm trying to say is, this movie is horrible, this movie is obnoxious and this movie is offensive to the Jaws loving community. As of December 18th, 2006 Jaws: The Revenge has
the honor of being rated as the 70th worst film in history on the IMDBs
"Bottom 100". Thumbs up to everyone who worked on this film. You should
be entered into the Special Olympics to demonstrate your talents. You suck.
The Gory Good: Absolutely nothing. Period.
The Bloody Bad: Everything. Absolutely everything.
It's obvious that the film-makers didn't make it out of the 6th grade.
Anyone with an average IQ or higher knows full well that a shark cannot
make vocal sound. This is because they have no vocal chords! During a scene
when the shark is attacking a boat, he lets out a gut wrenching GERUAGLEBRURGAHHEMORRRRR.
Um, ok. I guess that was his war cry while attempting to avenge his slain
relatives from the previous films. Oh yes, that's what I said. Apparently
this shark does take things personally. Remember in Jaws 2 when the scientist informed Chief Brody that sharks don't take things personally?
Well, she was wrong according to Michael De Guzman. Fucking retard.
Then we have the acting. An apocalyptic example of lunacy on the casting
crew. Lorraine Gary continues her role as Chief Brodys widow, Ellen Brody.
When she was interviewed during filming she admitted she took the role
for one purpose... money. I smell a sellout. It's pungent odor makes me
vomit in my mouth slightly.
*Here be spoilers* The ending is the worst conclusion to a film I have
ever seen. After chasing and attempting to slurp various members of the
small sailing vessel, the shark suddenly leaps out of the water and impales
itself on the front bow spoke. And to make it worse, the moment before
it collides with the spoke we see Ellen Brody jerk the steering wheel as
if she was a warrior maiden thrusting her dagger deep into the beasts belly.
Not only is the shark impaled, it explodes as if it had been snacking on
TNT for the past few years. Oh the humanity!
Slaughter/Carnage/Butchery: Not much. Just
a few pathetic kills. (See coroners report.)
Tits and Ass: Nothing. Fuck this movie.
 |  | 
 | 
- At the very beginning of the film, Quint's
boat, "The Orca" (from the first Jaws film), can be seen in the
background.
- Murray Hamilton was asked to reprise his
role as the mayor in a short appearance only at the beginning of the film,
but died of cancer before filming started.
- According to this film, the events that
occurred in Jaws 3-D never took place.
- Michael Caine' could not accept his Oscar
for Hannah and Her Sisters because he was busy filming this movie.
- Mario Van Peebles wrote his own part.
- Some boat scenes where filmed at Falls Lake,
at Universal City Studios, California. near the Psycho house on
the backlot.
- When Michael Caine was asked about this
movie in an interview, he answered, "I have never seen it, but by all accounts
it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is
terrific."
- There was a crucial subplot involving Michael
Caine's character that involved the smuggling drugs onto the island which
is actually fully detailed in the film's novelization were actually shot
and then deleted during post-production because it took away from the film's
main premise involving the shark.
- The original script features a cameo for
Richard Dreyfuss's character from the original Jaws, marine biologist
Matt Hooper. In Hooper's scene, he calls the Brodys and is greeted on the
phone by Thea, who knows him as "Uncle Matt". Hooper is established as
being close to Michael and Carla, who calls him "my second favorite marine
biologist", and he gives them his condolences about Sean's death. Hooper
and Michael discuss their careers, the late Martin Brody, and Hooper's
once spending Christmas with the family with Martin dressed as Santa Claus.
The scene ends when Michael heads off to summon Ellen to the phone to talk
to Hooper.
- The Water in the tank where the climax was
shot was filled with blue dye. The dye kept turning Micheal Caine's and
Lorraine Gary's hair blue, this is why Michael Caine climbs aboard dry.
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