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          Romero Turned Me Into a Ninny
          Tuesday, February 20th 2007

          I seriously thought I was going to piss my pants on the way home from Haunted X. I’m not lying. I started to sweat, pressed my hand against my crotch to keep the pee from coming out, and tried to sing louder to distract myself from the pain in my bladder. I cursed the traffic, not knowing which way to turn. Traffic in LA? No way! Oh yes. Yes indeed. There was so much traffic I had no idea if I could last. My eyes watered. I took an alternate route (the101 can go fuck itself) and, luckily found a McDonalds. By that time I felt like crying. And I’m not bullshitting when I say that I thanked God for McDonalds. 
          Hot Fudge Sundae in hand, I got the hell out of there and enjoyed myself on the way back home—driving on the freeway while eating my tasty delight. Hey, it’s either eating ice cream or texting while driving. It’s awfully boring to just drive. 

          Back to the real issue: the Haunt X convention at the LAX Hilton. What to say about this event? Hmmm….oh yeah, that I couldn’t walk two feet without getting hit on by someone new. I think it could have been the knee-high boots I was wearing. Or maybe the fishnets. Whatever it was, I felt like I should be wearing a full on space suit. I was even asked to autograph one of my business cards for the security guard who rode the elevator up to the lobby with me before I even set foot in the actual convention.
          Haunt X had a vendor area, where I talked to a number of great vendors including Troma films and Knightscross Leatherworks from whom I purchased a kickass leather wristband with a heart shaped stud. Also in the vendor area were mask people, props people, and Girls and Corpses Magazine (I love you guys!!!). Wish there could have been more! I felt like I walked through the vendor area 200 times just to pass the time. There was also a celebrity room and a bunch of different seminars. On Friday night, there was a film festival and I think there were other events I didn’t attend.

          The absolute highlight of the convention was George Romero. I sat in on a Q&A session with him. In regards to zombie movies he said, “I can’t seem to escape them.” He is the master of the original Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, Land of the Dead, Creepshow, and Creepshow 2, among other films. His new, not yet released film, Diary of the Dead, should be finished in time for the Cannes Film Festival (that’s May, kids). The guy radiates coolness. Anyone who refers to Stephen King as “Steve,” and Martin Scorsese as “Marty,” knows what the fuck is up. He answered tons of questions and cleared up the whole Venus Probe Night of the Living Dead issue. Apparently, the Venus Probe in Night of the Living Dead had NOTHING to do with the zombies. It was just a cool and expensive shot they wanted to keep in the movie. Why are zombies, well, zombies? He said, “I hope I never have to explain it. I don’t want an explanation. I don’t care. What does it matter?” You tell ‘em George!

          After the Q&A I went downstairs to the celebrity room to catch a glimpse of Romero. While I waited for the autograph line to die down, I chatted with Jonathan Breck, the Creeper from Jeepers Creepers 1 and 2. He was probably the least creepy person at the convention, was very friendly, and a bit of a hunk! I went back the next day and had him sign my arm. Then promptly took a photo of it so that I could savor it forever. 



          I have to confess something to all of you. It’s slightly embarrassing but I think you all need to know. When the line to see Romero finally died down, I wanted to tell him what a fan I am. So I wandered over, bumbled something about the Creepshow movies being awesome, gave him my card, and basically ran away like a ninny. Your Princess of Horror turned into a blubbering baby at the sight of George Romero. Sigh. Maybe next time I’ll grow the nuts to ask him for a photo. I mean, I don’t really want to grow nuts, but you know what I mean. 
          The second day I was at the convention I watched a panel for the Robert Englund directed film, Killer Pad. The only thing I remember about that panel was that Englund referred to the Pang Brothers’ Hong Kong flick, The Eye as Japanese horror. What the fuck? Do we all look alike? C’mon now, Freddy, get it straight.

          I’m thinking that perhaps at Haunt X next year, I’ll find an acceptable (and living) date..wink wink, nudge nudge. Eh? EH?


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